I know not everyone that reads my blog is a Christian and not everyone has had Church hurt. But, it is a topic that I think needs to be addressed more with Christians. So often, we are quick to say well this person said this and they are this at church. You are putting yourself in a place of judgement or a place of victimization that allows you to give up what is most
I think the first thing to make very clear. All too often we put our faith in people not God. We struggle to keep our faith because people let us down. If you lose faith because you are hurt by a church, then your faith was not in God, it was in people. That is a very important differentiation to make. I have been church hurt before but I have never let it affect my faith. I very clearly saw the difference between the 'fake Christians' and 'self proclaimed Christians'. My church hurt has never affected my faith. It has never caused me to question my faith. It has, however, made me question the faith of others.
You see, yes you have a pastor, you have people who operate in different areas of the church but not a single one of them is a perfect person. Not a single one of them is Jesus. If you have questions and you seek help and you don't feel like the members of your church are giving you the guidance you need that is because all the guidance with your faith you need is already available to you in the bible. There are many concordance options available online or in book form that can help you find guidance. Granted there are times when you definitely need a little more human support but it is truly support not guidance you are seeking. There is a huge difference.
Many times, you will hear those who have been church hurt referred to as the Walking Wounded. It's true they are wounded. They are hurt. Their emotions, their stability, their world has been changed. Why is this more painful than other hurt from people. Well, probably because when you go to church you go to be part of a community. You go to share your love for God. You let yourself be completely vulnerable in those moments in order to let god teach you by listening to sermons and talking about your life. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable a human can break your heart and it will hurt worse than a stranger yelling at you telling you that you are ugly etc.
My church hurt story. I have actually been church hurt more than one time. But I will speak on my most recent time. We moved to a new home, it was far away from friends and family. We knew basically no one. We went to a church recommended by our realtor. She said she loved it. We did too! We loved the people and we loved the sermons. My husband actually went forward and gave himself to God and was saved in that church and baptized. We truly loved the church. There were weird things that we started noticing as people got 'comfortable' around us. Comments about someone who had brought someone who was gay into the church. And how the pastor wouldn't agree to baptize them if they came forward because they are gay. Being told that they absolutely can judge other people. That it says in the bible you can judge the fruit of the tree. I was told that I was absolutely wrong to believe that God would want us to love everyone without fail and let God do the final judgement for sins. I started finding these types of comments over and over.
Then the next thing happened. My son had moved home after being injured in the military. He was having some transition issues. He came home in March. I asked the pastor to meet with him and there was no contact. I asked him 10 times in the course of time between March 6 and July 4th. I gave him my sons number 5 times. He was at our home for my daughter's birthday and never said a word to him. He never met with my son. We were dealing with a young man who had lost faith while in the Army due to events that happened. I begged this pastor as a former military person and a pastor to reach out to my son. What I was doing was not working. 2 weeks after 4th of July, I had vented to someone else that went to our church and it got back to him immediately (so much for venting to a friend) His response was to tell my son "I said I'd get to you after the fourth of July and I am. Ball is in your court. What kind of supportive message is that? Also during this time I was struggling. They stated they needed someone to work with Worship team and in the office.I had volunteered to work for free to prove myself and was ignored. I have many years of performance experience and love worship music and have a number of worship leader friends. I was told by someone else, well you can't be a worship leader silly you are a woman. Say what? Shortly after that commentary and after they flew in three families who all turned down the position for the man to run the worship and his wife to work in the office. The church was hit by lightening, not once but twice. What do you think the lightening took out? Their office equipment and music equipment. That being said between those events and his response to my son who desperately needed his support we left.
I was absolutely church hurt. But I clearly could see it was the man not God who failed me. Sadly when I had tried to talk to him about it he said never put your faith in man, man will always let you down. Although true, his actions were not actions of a man of God. We struggled, we prayed we begged God for guidance. We were finally led where we belonged. Is it perfect? Heck no.....It is not perfect. It has learning curves. But, it is good. It is better. And my son is back in the fold. He loves that this church in no way expects you to be perfect. They don't judge where you are at in your path, they just love you for who you are.
Churches were never meant for saints. They were always meant to be hospitals for the broken. If you have been church hurt. Do not give up your faith. God did not do this. Man did. Always remember somewhere out there is a place you can worship and be loved. Just like any relationship it sometimes takes time to find the right one. And you may kiss some frogs before you have the experience you are looking for.
God Bless and prayers go out to anyone who has been Church Hurt that if you have not yet found your way home, you will take this as a sign to pray for a guiding light from God. He loves you in your broken form. A solid object has tobe cracked to let the light inside.
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