The Quirks of life that people just don't get...about my life

If I were to launch my life story in novel form, the critics would say this is not true.  But oddly it all is.  See my life started out the child of a 16 year old girl and an 18 year old man.  He joined the navy and we moved to the south to a base.  Now if you ask the family who raised me the story, they will tell you that I was brought to them by my father because my mother had taken off and left me with him while she started a new life with the man she had been cheating on him with and left him then.  If you ask my mom, my father and she had already split.  She was at work and I was at daycare.  I was picked up from daycare and a court hearing was held the next am to give custody to my grandparents before she could even get up there for which she had no money at all.

My dad left me with his parents either way you look at it because he never came back to get me even after he had remarried.  But that may have had something to do with his new wife saying I was part of his past and she and the children they would have (which they never did) would be his future, but who knows.  Yes she told me this to my face at the age of 10.  Growing up I saw my dad less than a handful of times.

My mom well there is a whole different blog, but the short story is she visited me a few times.  She got remarried to the man she started dating either while she was with my dad or after they split depending on who's story you believe.  I really only remember her visiting me 2 times in the 14 years I lived with my grandparents and maybe a couple of calls beyond that.

People wonder why I often say I feel like an orphan.  Did I get raised by a two parent home?  Technically yes. My grandparents were there.  But, I knew I had parents and I could never understand why they wouldn't want to see me.  I always felt like I had done something wrong.  My grandmother would make excuses for my father and why he wasn't around.  She would tell me things like that my mother is a pathological liar like her mother and my grandfather on that side is a drunk and just bad things.  But at the end of the day, I struggled my entire life trying to connect with someone.  Trying to have that bond.  I never had it.

What happens to someone who doesn't ever connect with a parent like a bond.  You get crazy.  You feel unimportant. At 41, I still regularly have bouts of absolutely hopelessness that I can't pull out of for a couple days.  It isn't depression, meds don't work.  Its a bad brain set.  I never felt important.

Look at my Facebook.  You can see that I have a couple of my cousins that I grew up a little older than on my Facebook but some are notably missing.  My aunts nope, they aren't on my Facebook.  They don't even talk to me.  Everyone on that side treats me like I have done something wrong.  How exactly does a child who didn't have a choice do something wrong.  How exactly does a child who struggled so hard to try to have a connection get blackballed from a family because she can't get it together because the things she needed to grow up and know what to do in some situations she didn't have.  Its like asking a mechanic who only has a wrench in his toolbox for a screwdriver.

I have been through counseling.  I have been put on meds that did nothing.  Well, except a couple did give me hives.  I have chosen an abusive husband because in my mind I thought I wasn't worth anything.  I have struggled so hard to just find myself my entire life and fallen flat without answers or having too many angles on a story that I end up with more questions than answer.

When my ex and I split, I moved to Illinois, where my mother and brothers lived.  I really thought OK, my dad and I are pretty much friends now, If I can connect with my mom....it will all be OK.  (By friends I mean he calls me 2 or 3 times a year and tells me how much fun he had with his ex wife's daughter and her husband on his boat the past five weekends, or his current girlfriend). All I wanted was a little time with her alone.  To get to build a relationship. I lived in Illinois for 4 years.  I asked her multiple times if we could go to lunch my treat.  She would say well I am really busy.  I got laid off from work and I was renting a house from her.  My ex had the car that was in both of our names repo'd because his name was on it. So I was laid off with no car.  She found a car at an auction, and she bought it.  Then her husband instead of letting her give it to me with a promise to pay when I found a job....gave it for free to his son.  Who has four cars already.

My brothers, my stepfather...everyone came before me.  As someone who doesn't know how to put myself first, I felt like I didn't deserve to.  When I found out my current husbands job was relocating us I asked on multiple occasions if we could spend some time together and she couldn't find even a moment of her time.  Her husband needed stuff done......she was getting her hair done.  She was doing something for my brother.  All of these things and then she would say but if you guys want to come down and visit.

Do you know that when we got there, the first birthday i had was 3 months after I moved to Illinois, I got a card.   It was so special to me. I never got a birthday card from her before.  That is the only card as of today I got.  I lived there for 4 years.  At Christmas she would buy my brother a big screen tv, my other brother a gaming system...my other brother something expensive he wanted and I got slippers and a shark.  See I wasn't comparing things until after I moved and I did a list.  I realized she may have spent $100 on me total. My brothers got four to five times as much for them if not more.  I bought my brothers gifts they never got me anything.  I was not accepted by them either.  Again not my fault I did nothing wrong.

I am not writing this as a victim.  I am writing this today as someone who realizes that just because the people who should love you don't....just because you want to be cared for and given understanding it doesn't mean you will.  It is OK.  They are the ones missing out.  Yes it hurts.  And you will feel it when you see a friend post on Facebook how much they love their parent or their cousins or whatever.  You don't have that.  But there are lots of people who's parents are dead.  Who would love to at least know their parents are alive and healthy.  I will morn when my parents pass or any family member that I have cared about.  It doesn't matter if they cared about me.  See what matters at the end of the day....I care about me........at the end of the day.  God loves me.  And above all he is the one that matters.  He is the one who has gotten me some absolutely horrible times in my life.  He is the one that pushed me even when I didn't want him and I turned away from him.

I have a husband now that I have been married to for a year.  We are still learning some nuances to our relationship and my needs etc.  Sometimes I am more vocal about them than others and I need to get consistent instead of like waves in the ocean but he is a good man.  He is a god fearing man.  And we will grow and learn and things will get better.  As far as my family.  I love them because they are my family.  I don't like that I don't fit in anywhere because I'm not allowed.  Maybe one day they will wake up and things will be better.  I won't pray for that any more.  I only pray that they are healthy and happy.  Because I can't change how they do things.  I pray that they have all of their needs met.  And I pray that if they happen upon this particular edition of my blog, they will understand this isn't about anger this is about understanding.  Things happened that were outside of my control.  I understand some of them did the best they could and some of them had no idea what to do. It is what it is.  Its OK.  I'm OK with it.  I love everyone in my family but I will not allow myself to be a victim or a hurt party in something I never did.

If you find yourself separated emotionally or physically from your family just know God loves you.  God will take care of you and God will make your life follow the path it is meant to.  Those he includes in it are blessings even if they don't stay or they come kicking and screaming.  Be a light to them.

Reviewsio.....I am soo excited

Recently I heard about a new Review site. I'd love to share it with you! Basically the short way to explain it is there are LOTS of sellers on Amazon who are looking for regular people to review their products on Amazon. Sometimes you will receive a discount and sometimes it will be free. Great deal!

 So let me go into that a little bit more...If you have shopped on Amazon, I am sure you have seen reviews where at the end someone says I received a discount in exchange for my honest opinion. What happens is this...that person either because of their review quality or because of posts like this has gotten into a group where items are offered to them at a discounted price in exchange for them using the product and writing an honest review. Are there people who lie? Probably. Personally, I would never lie. That is why on my blog or our family vlog we are careful to make sure there is photos or video of the actual product and if we can get it in use for you to see you will see it. Why I do this is two fold. I want you to know what you are getting. I am not going to let you, my reader or watcher, get a sub-par item. Period. There is no free item in the world worth a false review. Now if you are someone just looking to get cheap or free stuff. The sellers will figure it out pretty quick and you won't get a lot of items offered to you except for maybe by new sellers and it generally isn't the good stuff.

So, that being said, I am going to post a link to join Reviewsio but please, join only if you are going to be honest and try to get items you sincerely would use. I do not accept reviews for items that either I can use or I know someone directly I can give it to. You an not sell your products you get at a discount or free. You can donate them, you can give them to your friends or you can toss them you CAN NOT SELL THEM. IF you are caught you will be banned from Amazon. They are VERY STRICT. Also, when you write a review you HAVE TO PUT ON THERE that you received a discount.

 Now to the fun/not so fun part. Some sellers are really motivated. They will give away great expensive items for free. Others maybe 75% off. Others 50%. That beings said, there will be sellers who will give you the item at $1 off. You need to educate yourself on the products and what they cost before accepting any offer or signing up to review an item. I am not really sure which direction Reviewsio will be going, but usually either sellers can contact you or sellers will be given the opportunity to select people who have marked that they are interested in an item. Ie an I'd like to review this button. We will see on October 1st.

Now depending on how many people sign up and depending on what qualifications the sellers are asking for that you meet will depend on what you get. If you have never done a review before on Amazon, I highly recommend going through your house and seeing what you already own. It will not be a verified purchase review but it will get your feet on the floor. You have a few weeks to get this done before the sellers can see your profile!

 What makes a good review? DETAILS. Put in as much information as you can. Just putting in this product worked great is getting a downvote from almost anyone who reads it. You want upvotes saying your reviews are helpful. Did you notice that when you put it together you missed something. Tell them to be careful not to miss that. If you had a piece break and had to contact the company and they were fast or slow to help you. Tell them. More info is a better review.

 Now for the fun. Reviewsio is opening up registration for its launch on October 1st! You can get in NOW!!! Yes now!!! I am putting the link in the next part. Just click it. Sign up and you are on your way! Have fun. Feel free to post below what you get approved for. I will also be doing a monthly break down of what I got as well from Reviewsio once it starts. I noticed it already is pulling my reviews which is so exciting. Make sure you give the sellers LOTS of info on you! Be open be honest. Be yourself! Then go for it and HAVE FUN! You can sign up HERE!

Have fun and make sure you follow me on there and see what I am reviewing to. If you need help with reviews, I do help with them as well.  Happy reviewing and I hope you get something AWESOME!  You can follow me on Reviewsio HERE.

Now that we have settled in!

Our exchange student Triet is adjusting well.  He is an amazing young man.  Hearing him talk about things in Vietnam though sometimes makes me a little sad.  You see we take so much for granted as americans.  Even something as simple as a reclining sofa.  Trust me there will be a long blog about month one and the things I have learned from him.  I know this is his experience but we are learning so much from him..including asian languages are not something I adapt to easily.  Lets just say we call him T because NONE of us can say his name right.  

Sometimes you are in a place where someone in need is on your doorstep that happened last week when I full intended to sit down and get some massive bloggage done.  But a friend's mom's fiancee was in a horrible car accident and lost his legs.  She needed a place to crash and decompress after leaving the hospital every night.  We had open doors and arms for her. I will tell you that in our lives, our family and friends come before everything else.  I may get quiet on here for a time and I can guarantee it is because someone needed us more than I needed to be on my blog or even on facebook. 

So what you can expect in the next week.  Well we will have a blog tutorial on creating a steampunk hat!  Going shopping for the final pieces of the puzzle on that tomorrow night.  Then there will be a whovian nod to some great Dr who Gifts for your family geek!  A discussion on Schools and when to stand up and be strong and when to be calm and just let it go.....A run down on some essential oils and where to find them as well as Some electronic gift ideas. I know, I know so soon for gift ideas.  Listen I start shopping for Christmas in JUNE!  Do you know why?  Because when all is said and done....I am no where near a store from thanksgiving on unless Im grocery shopping.  Plus did you know you can get better sales BEFORE Thanksgiving??It is true. I will also be doing a little Amazon 101.  I bet you didn't know that if you like an item and you wishlist it you can watch for it to go on sale..........they always do!  

So lots coming up and some great items and landscaping ideas.  I can't wait to share all that we are doing to our home and our yard.  As always if you want me to check out an item or a craft project just comment below.  We will be more than happy to do the research and trials for you!  Our honest opinions are always out there for the world to see.  Hope you have had a great couple of weeks.  NOW WELCOME BACK TO THE FUN ZONE!  

Review: Lavisha Sterling Silver Diamond Circle Pendant Necklace

     I could just gush about this necklace.  I got it for a couple dollars off in exchange for a review, but I am in love with this necklace. It is a sterling silver charm.  It says One Wish on it and has a small CZ stone in the center bottom of it.  It is beautiful.  

          At the retail price of 29.99 it is pretty equivalent to other sterling necklaces.  So it would be something you would want to select because you like it.  But, like a lot of other items on Amazon, it goes on sale often and you can just wait for it to go on sale. But even at regular retail it is well worth the money.  It comes in a beautiful velvet like bag with a draw string and then you pull out a beautiful leather look box with the necklace beautifully displayed inside.

     The necklace is just gorgeous and very simple but yet elegant.  It just shimmers.  I love this necklace. I purchased it as a Christmas present for my niece and I know that she will love it.  It is just gorgeous.

     This would make an amazing Christmas present.  But other great uses would be Mother's day gift, Birthday Present or it would be an amazing Bridesmaid gift.  Just gorgeous!

You can find it at this link:

REVIEW: Attack on Titan - Survey Corps 100% Cotton Cosplay Costume Adult T-Shirt Tee

    With our student coming, by the time you read this he will be here, we were trying to find some cool stuff that we could give him as gifts for his arrival.  We know Attack on Titan is a pretty popular thing so when I had the chance to get a discount on a Tshirt that was Attack on Titan I jumped on it.  You can find this item here.

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     My son solidly wears a medium but sometimes with Chinese sizing he wears a large.  This shirt we purchased in a Medium.  He tried it on for blog purposes.  It has a great design that is very clear and well applied.  The shirt itself is not cheap.  It is a good solid cotton.  Now it is 100% cotton so I do expect it to shrink.  But the seams are very sturdy and it is well sewn.  It is a great shirt!  I think I will be going back to get the one my son wants.  Then the boys can have almost matching shirts!

REVIEW: 6 Colors Multi-lens LED Party Disco Stage Dance Club DJ Lighting LED Strobe Light

     I recently had the opportunity to purchase the WOWTOU® 18W Super Bright Speed Adjustable Voice-activated 6 Colors Multi-lens LED Party Disco Stage Dance Club DJ Lighting LED Strobe Light.  I didn't know what to expect.  The price is very reasonable and for the price I honestly didn't expect too much out of it.  So often you see these lights that claim to be DJ quality that are just not even close.      The list price is normally in the low 60s.  I did see that it is currently on sale for about half retail price.  I got a little more of a discount because I am a blogger and sometimes I get coupon opportunities to review items.  So we got it in.  I love that it has a DMX in and out connection.  Great for if you really are a DJ.  I am including photos of what it looked like in our house.  We are going to set up the area to be hung in the back yard for when we have friends over.  

      It has a bunch of adjustments you can make.  Speed runs from 1 which is slow to 9 which is faster.  Then there is different modes of the lights.  Some of them only work with a DJ system hooked in.  But there are enough if you are just getting it for home as well.  I was very impressed with this light.  If you are looking for a professional light, this is an amazing deal for a high quality and fun light.  If you are not a professional this is still great for your home.

     Here are the rest of our photos!

You can purchase yours here:

Paracon (Pensacola Paranormal and Comicon)

Last year when we were down here scoping out the area to decide if we would live down here, We happened to spot a sign about Paracon.  When we went we had a blast.  We met the guys from Ghost Stop, we got surpise boxes of Geek stuff and I got some great Dr Who gear.  I was pretty excited to go back this year because we had so much fun.  Well, this year, I just am not so impressed.  We paid $40 for the entire group of us to go.  SO yes it is cheap to get in $10 per person.  Now online it said everyone who attended would get a swag bag.  We got nothing.  So that was disappointing.  We drove an hour to get there and were very excited to get swag.  Its important sorry, it is.  Anyhow, so we get inside.  The same Star Wars group was there from last year.  It was cool.  We saw them last year but my son had not so he checked it out.  This year, there wasn't anyone selling the mystery boxes, there was no one selling very much Dr Who gear, and the vendors really were low to mid quality items for the most part.

They had 'stars' like Tatiyana Ali from Fresh Prince and the other sister from fresh prince.  Where do they fit in to this?  I don't see it.  They had the guy from Blue Lagoon.  They also had a guy from the TV Show Chips.  The closest thing they had to current and 'exciting people' was a guy who played the blue ranger on the Power rangers in a newer version than the original and is now on One Tree Hill and the guy who played the grounds keeper on Harry Potter.  $20 for an autograph or photo? I paid $20 to have a photo with Lita Ford at Pensacon.  And really really great people like Nichelle Williams from star treck were only $20.  I just didn't get it.  First of all, these people are paid to be here and their travel etc was paid for.  Why charge so much for a photo with you.  I mean I get they need to make money but again they are paid to be there.  So.........yeah.

I was very disappointed in this years version.  So, needless to say whether we will go back again is really up in the air.  I really was excited to post some loot day shopping photos..but sadly we bought nothing and left with nothing.  Well on the plus side PENSACON is in February and that was awesome.